My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
