I got chris browned last night
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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