did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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