Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
