Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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