For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
