ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
