i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
