dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
