can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
