Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I want her autograph on my taint
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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