I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
