sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
