those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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