I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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