We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
