Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
