wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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