she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
