Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
