New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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