winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
