I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
