I just threw up on my dentist
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
