PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
