I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
