Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
