dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
