Is it normal to miss your booty call?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
