Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
