i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
its liver damage thursday
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
