i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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