Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
