Non-Jews are for practice
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Be still, my beating vagina.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
