Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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