Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
