Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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