I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just gargled with NyQuil
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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