i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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