I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
