Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
