somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
