oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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