but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
