its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
