R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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