I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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