New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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