i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
