wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dick very happy bro
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
