saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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