Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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