Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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