why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
