so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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