so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
