I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
