i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
