i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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