Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
