Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
