yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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