You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
