he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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