The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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