I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
