My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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