She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
