i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
