i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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