STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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