theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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