Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
