i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
